Perfectionism Is Fear in Fancy Clothes

For a long time, I believed that being demanding with myself was a virtue.

I thought it meant I cared.

I thought it meant I had standards.

I thought it meant I was responsible, serious, committed.

What I didn’t see, at least not at first, was how much energy it was costing me.

The myth of “perfect”

Perfection sounds reassuring. It promises safety.

“If it’s perfect, no one can criticize me. If it’s perfect, I won’t be exposed.”

But perfection is an illusion.

No matter how much time and care you invest in something, it will never be beyond criticism. Someone will always see it differently, want something else, or point out what you didn’t see.

The real problem isn’t striving for quality.

It’s believing that flawlessness is a prerequisite for belonging, success, or love.

Perfect doesn’t just compete with “good.”

It competes with possible, realistic, and alive.

Why perfectionism stops us before we even begin

One of the most painful effects of perfectionism isn’t that it slows us down, it’s that it keeps us frozen.

I see this again and again in coaching:

People with ideas they deeply care about…

Projects that feel meaningful…

Callings that quietly keep knocking…

And yet, nothing moves.

Because when the inner standard is impossibly high, starting feels pointless.

If it can never be “good enough,” why even try?

What we often call procrastination is not laziness.

It’s fear, carefully disguised as high standards.

Fear in elegant clothing

At its core, perfectionism is rarely about excellence.

It’s fear of being judged.

Fear of being misunderstood.

Fear of confirming an old, familiar belief: “I am not good enough.”

That’s why perfectionism is so deceptive.

It looks disciplined and refined on the outside, while quietly eroding self-trust on the inside.

Perfectionism is fear in fancy clothes — pretending to be elegant while actually being terrified.

A pattern I see especially in women

Many women I work with carry an invisible rule:

“I’m not allowed to put myself forward until I’m completely ready.”

So they wait.

They prepare.

They improve.

They hold back.

They want to be certain before they act.

Meanwhile, others move forward with partial readiness, and grow into their role by doing. Confidence often comes after action, not before it.

The real alternative isn’t laziness, it’s consistency

If you want a fulfilling, grounded life, the choice is not between perfectionism and carelessness.

The real alternative is consistency.

Showing up.

Taking the next step.

Finishing.

Sharing.

Learning.

Adjusting.

At some point, refining stops being about quality and starts being about protection. And protection, while understandable, slowly drains joy, creativity, and aliveness.

A gentle question to sit with

If perfection weren’t required…

• What would you start?

• What would you finish?

• What would you allow yourself to share?

You don’t need to become someone else to move forward.

You don’t need to be fixed.

Often, what’s needed is space, to see more clearly, to loosen the grip of fear, and to reconnect with what truly matters to you.

This is the work I do as a coach:

helping people recognise where perfectionism is quietly running the show, and replacing it with clarity, self-trust, and consistent, meaningful action.

Not perfect action.

Honest action.

If this resonates, I’d love to explore it with you.

✨ I'm Raquel, ICF certified coach and mentor dedicated to helping people build deeper self-awareness, greater mental & emotional wellbeing, and a life aligned with what truly matters.