9 ways to connect with what really matters
Knowing our personal values is one of the keys to living a life aligned with what truly matters to us. Values are principles that guide our decisions, shape our goals, and give us a sense of direction. However, many of us go through life without having them fully clear. Have you ever wondered how to discover your deepest values? Here are nine effective ways to connect with them.
Reflect on past experiences: One of the most powerful ways to discover your values is by looking at your own experiences. Identify key moments in your life when you felt particularly proud, happy, or fulfilled. What values were present in those moments? You can also think about challenging or uncomfortable situations. What did you feel was not being respected in those moments? Often, when our values are violated, they become more evident.
Example: If you felt fulfilled by helping someone in a difficult situation, you might value compassion or service to others. If a work conflict made you feel frustrated, perhaps you value fairness or transparency.
Examine your role models: The people you admire can offer a clue about your values. Think of someone you deeply respect, whether it’s someone in your life, a historical figure, or even a fictional character. What qualities do you admire in them? The characteristics that resonate with you likely reflect your own values.
Example: If you admire someone for their courage to stand up for what they believe in, that same value may be important to you.
Ask yourself key questions: Asking yourself deep questions about your priorities can lead to revealing answers. Some useful questions include:
What matters most to me in life?
What makes me feel fulfilled and accomplished?
What am I willing to fight for or defend?
By answering these questions, you begin to identify what truly moves you.
Use a list of values: Sometimes, it’s hard to find the exact words to describe your values. A good practice is to use a list of values for inspiration. Review a list of possible values, such as freedom, authenticity, growth, respect, and select those that resonate with you. Then, narrow the list down to 5-10 core values.
Example: By reviewing a list, you might realize that values like creativity or authenticity are recurring in your life, even though you hadn’t considered them before.
Prioritize your values: Once you’ve identified your key values, it’s important to prioritize them. Not all values will carry the same weight in your life. Make a list and rank them by importance. This exercise will help you clearly see which values are central, the ones that guide most of your decisions.Example: You might value both freedom and security, but one of them could be more important to you in crucial situations. Identifying this will give you clarity in decision-making moments.
Examine how you spend your time and energy: Your values are reflected in how you use your time and energy. Review your day-to-day life: what activities do you invest most of your time in? If you spend a lot of time on creative activities, you likely value creativity or personal expression. If you invest time in meaningful relationships, perhaps you value connection or love.
Look for patterns: As you reflect on your values and review your experiences, start to look for patterns. Certain themes may come up again and again, indicating the presence of a core value. These patterns can emerge in both positive and negative situations.
Example: If you consistently feel frustrated when there’s a lack of communication, you might value clarity or honesty.
Use your values to make decisions: Once you have a clearer sense of your values, it’s essential to put them into practice. Use them as a compass to guide your everyday decisions. Ask yourself, “Is this decision aligned with my values?” If the answer is yes, you’re likely moving closer to a life that reflects what truly matters to you.
Example: If one of your values is authenticity, you might decide to be more open and transparent in your personal or work relationships.
Do writing exercises or journaling: Writing is a powerful tool for clarifying your thoughts and emotions. Take time to reflect in a journal about your values. Write about key moments, people you admire, or decisions that made you feel aligned (or not) with what is important to you. Over time, you will notice certain values becoming clearer.
Conclusion: Discovering your personal values is a process that can take time, but the result is invaluable. Knowing your values allows you to live with more intention, make decisions more aligned with your true self, and feel more connected to your daily actions. When you live according to your values, you’re on the path to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
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