The Two Sources of Stress

Stress Comes From Two Directions – So Should the Solution

We often talk about stress as if it had a single cause.

Either it is presented as a personal problem:

“You just need to manage your time better, be more resilient, learn to relax.”

Or as something entirely external:

“It’s the system. The workload. The culture. There’s nothing you can do.”

But reality is rarely that simple.

Stress does not come from one place alone.

It usually comes from two directions at the same time: external pressures and internal patterns.

And understanding this changes everything.

The External Side of Stress

Some causes of stress exist outside of us.

The culture we live in. The expectations of our workplace. The pace of modern life. The emotional climate of the teams around us.

We are constantly receiving messages about what success should look like.

Be productive.

Be available.

Do more.

Respond faster.

Keep going.

We admire people who seem capable of “doing it all.” We normalise exhaustion, multitasking, and being permanently connected.

Even the content we consume reinforces these ideas. Many series, films, and social media narratives portray highly stressed, sleep-deprived individuals as successful, ambitious, and fulfilled. Over time, this shapes our perception of what is normal and even desirable.

But external stress is not only cultural.

It is also deeply practical and operational.

Stress can come from:

• Constant interruptions

• Excessive workload

• Lack of clarity

• Inefficient meetings

• Unrealistic deadlines

• Poor communication

• An unhealthy team atmosphere

• Organisational values that differ from the ones displayed publicly

These elements have a real impact on our nervous system, our concentration, our motivation, and our wellbeing.

And acknowledging this matters.

Because not all stress is “in your head.”

The Internal Side of Stress

At the same time, stress is also influenced by what happens within us.

Our habits.

Our beliefs.

Our emotional patterns.

Two people can experience the same environment very differently depending on their internal resources and coping mechanisms.

Internal stress factors may include:

• Difficulty setting boundaries

• Perfectionism

• High self-demand

• People-pleasing tendencies

• Difficulty saying no

• Ignoring physical or emotional signals

• Lack of rest or recovery

• Difficulty prioritising

• Loss of meaning or connection with what we do

These patterns are often deeply rooted and sometimes automatic. Many of them developed for understandable reasons earlier in life — to feel accepted, valued, safe, or in control.

But over time, they can also become sources of chronic pressure.

How External and Internal Stress Reinforce Each Other

What makes stress particularly difficult is that external and internal causes rarely exist separately.

They interact.

A demanding environment becomes even more exhausting when we struggle to set boundaries.

A culture of urgency affects us more deeply when we already believe we must constantly prove our worth.

On the other hand, strong internal resources can help soften external pressure.

Self-awareness, emotional regulation, clear priorities, healthy boundaries, supportive relationships, and meaningful routines can increase our ability to navigate difficult environments more sustainably.

This is important because it means stress is not only something that happens to us.

It is also shaped by how we relate to what happens around us.

Moving Beyond Polarised Thinking

Unfortunately, many conversations about stress push us toward extremes.

Either:

• “You can control everything.”

Or:

• “You can control nothing.”

Neither perspective is particularly helpful.

The first can create guilt and self-blame.

The second can create helplessness.

Reality is more nuanced.

There are things we cannot immediately change.

And there are things we can influence.

Sometimes the most helpful question is not:

“Is the problem me or the environment?”

But rather:

“Where do I currently have influence?”

“And where might change need to happen around me?”

A More Balanced Approach to Wellbeing

If stress comes from two directions, then the response must also come from two directions.

Not only better personal strategies.

Not only better systems and environments.

But both.

This may involve:

• Learning to regulate stress responses more effectively

• Improving boundaries and communication

• Reconnecting with personal values and priorities

• Creating healthier work cultures

• Rethinking unrealistic expectations

• Building environments that support focus, rest, and psychological safety

Because wellbeing is not created by individual effort alone.

And it is not created by external change alone either.

It emerges from the relationship between the two.

Reducing stress is not about choosing sides.

It is about reconnecting with our ability to act — internally and externally — with more awareness, intention, and balance.

✨ I'm Raquel, ICF certified coach and mentor dedicated to helping people build deeper self-awareness, greater mental & emotional wellbeing, and a life aligned with what truly matters.